What The Heck Did I Do To Myself?


July 5, 2010
Let me get something straight. I’m almost at full teen age. I felt actually good about it. But guess what has to come along with the annoying puberty, the thoughts of loneliness, stress and no hope. It annoys me so much. How the heck am I supposed to fix that problem? Everybody I know that’s a child is younger than me. Back at my neighborhood I want to beat up people younger than me like Simon, King or Savino. I always try ignore that funny feeling. But, it overwhelms me and takes over me. Luckily, I’m not taking it over my family and friends, but, myself. I hate these thoughts. They are so annoying. But, get this, I even hear that teenagers about 15 or 16 try to commit suicide. Now, I really don’t want to get in that position, or else I’m going to regret wasting my whole life having friends, being good, having a blog and trying to find the one I like. So, you understand my pain? I hope you do. Because it starts in the morning with a little morning interruption by Rachael and Anabelle. Just what I needed, another interruption. Just to make my day. Well, this morning dream interruption has been going on for a pretty long time. I wasn’t going to sit there and do nothing. I tried to convince those girls every second to be quiet. They acted like they would’ve got that promise already. But, they don’t understand how they couldn’t be trusted.

After the dream interruption, I was getting claustrophobic in the room after all I went through. But, the thing that annoyed me was the fact I was being told constantly by my sister (Patricia) to keep it down and stop acting weird. Really? Try being my position once in awhile and you’ll understand my problems. The thing is, my dad is a theological expert, so, once we were in a discussion, he said that everybody has a problem. Especially himself, though, I quite haven’t found out what my dad’s problem was but, I know what’s my problem. Everything. It sucks. I’m ignorant, worthless, stubborn and selfish. My mom only calls me that when I deserve being called that. My mom doesn’t abuse or make fun of me for fun. She’s more of a decent grownup. Sometimes we get into some disagreements, but, she’s very nice and loving. But, continuing on with the morning. When I finally got to my part where I wasn’t stable. So, I yelled at my sister (Patricia) and my younger sister (Anabelle). Alexandra was really confused, but, get this, Alexandra understands the hurtful traumas I have, except she doesn’t know when to decide if it’s okay for her. So, basically, I was betrayed by my sister and the rest of my family. It was my fault and so was theirs. So, I tried not to let that bother me, as long as I had my dad and my mom loving me.

Once I got out of the room, I was predicting my dad watching the World Cup like usual. But, instead, he was watching with Eugen Cycling. Well, I really liked calling it Bicycling, but, what do I have to lose? When they were watching The Cycling I was starting to regret staying here. But, I kept that thought out of my head so it wouldn’t cause a big problem. After we all figured my parents were awake Patricia, Anabelle, Alexandra and Rachael were begging to go in the pool. While I was standing in aw thinking they were wasting their time. I thought I was soon going to have to be forced to go in the pool. But, my mom didn’t make me do a thing. But, when they were getting ready to watch the show the Soup I had to go outside. I was annoyed for the rest of the morning.

Afterwards, I played video games. But, time went fast really fast. It felt as if 12 minutes passed by. But, I already knew I couldn’t fight the fact I was done playing. I was waiting for something special to happen. But, it actually took my parents 45 minutes to come up going to the beach. One we got there, we were all having this feeling we were set up screwed up. Though, I knew I was going to fish. When we were on the drive to the beach I constantly reminded my mom to remind me to fish instead of swimming. But, once I got to the beach, I was completely ticked off. My promise wared off and I had this thought wanting to go in the water. I was angry at myself. I couldn’t resist especially taking pictures in the water. My mom took some pictures. But, I didn’t care. Unfortunately, the day ended fine and okay and boring at the same time. What was up today?

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2 comments on “What The Heck Did I Do To Myself?

  1. sasammygirl says:

    Okay, Andrew chill out. You just turned 11, you’re hardly a teenager yet. You just got out of the single digit age, but people’s mind sets do change awfully fast. And I applaud you for at leasting being the few people to admit to their faults, ignorance, selfishness, etc.

    And actually not all teens have feelings of being lonely, and having “no hope”. And stress? Oh Andrew, everyone has stress. Adults, little kids, teenagers, everyone. Stress is something that goes along with life, so you’d have to be dead to not have any stress.

    Are you dead? No, probably not. So perk up.

    And not ALL 15 and 16 year olds have suicudal thoughts or try to commit suicide, either. Actually most kids I know that age are stupidly, ignorantly, superbly happy.

    • Andrew says:

      Okay, your right on that paragraph. It’s just I didn’t expect this to happen. So, soon. 😕 I always admit this even in front of my parents. I know, but, some do. Well, stress is something common, but, I don’t like the feeling. I’ll try to perk up, because I was down then. Where do you hear me saying ALL, I said some. Well, the kids you know, but, some kids I know are from a different perspective.

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