Hey guys. Andrew here. Bringing you a new post of my daily life. Only that I don’t feel as motivated to show you guys a video/song special at the beginning of my post like I usually do. I’m really sad. No; more like depressed. I feel so caged in. I don’t know. My feelings are quite messed up right now. I’ll explain … I just want to get my feelings out.
So yeah, usual day. I wake up, get ready to go to school. This time, though, my Mom drove me to school for early preparation of the big Georgia Studies test today. I arrived around 8:17 AM. About 2 minutes after the session was supposed to begin. There was already a big crowd of people in the room. It was awkward when I walked in, yet I felt like no one acknowledged me while at the same time they were staring at me. Keila, my friend, who recently has been quiet to me and has not felt like talking to me, was walking with me to the class. She was quiet, of course. She sat behind me at a desk with another girl. I was the only one besides the two of them in that desk. Others had their own group desks with highly self-esteemed people at their tables that just blurted out random things to get everyone’s attention and idolize them while also getting the teacher mad. That’s something I realized. You can’t really be so called “popular” in my middle school unless your disruptive and hate school, otherwise the school will think of you as a freak.
The study session was kind of awkward. I was wearing a church sweater. The fancy ones you would see grown-ups wearing at churches. I thought the selection would be fine, plus I’ve seen a lot of so called “cool” or “popular” people do it. So I’m not quite abnormal. Except in this situation, I felt like everyone was staring at me from the back as the teacher announced questions. A lot of other teams came and it was becoming increasingly boring. Shahnil, my old friend who used to sit next to me in Health class, came to set at my desk and another boy did as well when class was going through. Kevin, a very funny and popular person in our school arrived in the class. Everyone recognized him, positively. Even the teacher said “hello” and “how are you doing?”. I felt quite surprised. Kevin was always getting citations and referrals (bad punishments). I was a good student, on the other hand. Yet she did not even acknowledge me in the room and she acknowledged with much friendliness Kevin. Ugh. I don’t know. It gets me really angry thinking about it.
Once we were finished with the studying and the school bell rang, signaling the arrival of the school buses arriving at the school, I got my Georgia Studies textbook and began the day. Homeroom was dull. That is probably too over exaggerated but most of the time I watched other people laugh and have fun in the classroom while I watched them. The insane part is that whenever I tried to laugh and agree with their jokes, they would tell me to turn around in my seat and to shut-up. Ugh. It’s crazy. I was hoping that Mary was going to drop something next to me and ask nicely if I could help her with that, which would make me feel like a good person. Unfortunately, no. I felt so lonely. Even Bryce next to me barely talked to me. We did our test in the class and thankfully I felt like I understood 95% of it, approximately. So I feel good. Until Conner started throwing spitballs at my back. He continued to do it during the whole class. It was extremely annoying and I felt helpless. I wanted to tell him to stop every time I turned around, but the teacher had warned us that if we talked we got a 0% on our test.
Language Arts was no fun either. Just work and seeing other people have fun in the class. Savannah seemed to be too busy talking to Ethan, who I recently have found him to be quite weird. I don’t want to say queer because I don’t want to be mean, but he’s something different. Which is completely fine. But when I get judged by other people that say I’m weird for how I look and act and I compare that to Ethan who is always talking to girls and has his own group, I feel like there’s something wrong. We had to work on some worksheet for warm-up and then work on our rough draft. I felt even worse when the Language Arts teacher actually checked Savannah’s paper next to me and said she was doing an excellent job. No, not just excellent. Brilliant. She checked others and left her comments, but she completely ignored mines. Mines was probably the longest of everyone and contained great spelling, vocabulary, and print. Yet, she did not check out mines. UGH. The only time she talked to me was when she lectured me for not reading a book after finishing all the work first and gave me a book about mythological Gods. I had to go to the bathroom eventually, so I went. And during the time there, I heard the class bells echo through the hall way (since the bathrooms are posted on the side of the “C” hall way) and I immediately jumped up from my seat, sucked in whatever I was letting out and went back to my class. It took almost 5 minutes to get back to the class to pick up my stuff. A lot of people, especially from Language Arts class, looked at me weirdly and telling me I was stupid. Ignoring it, I went to get my stuff, only to find Mason, a boy in my Science look at my stuff and almost take it. I told him not to touch it, which stirred up a lot of attention. A lot of girls told me to chill. Why? He was about take stuff from my backpack!
Math was probably the only fun thing. Well, sort of. We went over some rules of graphing and our Math teacher told us that we were going to have a test on all the parts that we learned this unit. Including elimination method, substitution method, and graphing method. It was easy, altogether. I’m hoping I’ll get an easy 100%. Lunch was a bit interesting. Vanessa bought me an ice-cream of chocolate chip. At first it was on my side of my desk, but then it was gone. It was gone and Vanessa said she could not buy me another one when she already bought me one. Understandable, yet I felt horrible. Danielle, on my side, revealed to me that she had taken the ice-cream and gave it back to me. I ate it with delight. The chocolate taste warmed up my taste buds. Probably the BEST thing I ever tasted today. When we got back in Math we did the homework and I had Samantha sit next to me and Shirlign, of course, needed help from me with the homework. This time I tried to have her try the equations herself instead of helping her all the way! She did really well and I was completely fine with not turning in my homework since I could do it at home. Eventually during the end of class, Shirlign was sad that she was going to be able to finish her homework since she did not get it, but I decided to do her the favor of taking her homework and doing it for her. When you look back at it from a different perspective, it seems she cheated me. But when you look at my perspective, I felt good and special. She threw in a few “I love you” for thanks. So I felt good. xD
Science was boring and sucked. When I thought I had finished my Science homework, Brian, who sat next to me, revealed to me that there was a back of the page. So I quickly did it and managed to turn it in in time. Others were not there, so they got the advantage of getting an extra few days. When the teacher started going over a notes study guide he sat next to our table and whenever I looked at him, I saw Conner behind him. Same Conner who threw spitballs at me. Whenever it appeared I looked at him the slightest he told me to turn around and gave me a stare which resulted in a lot of laughs from the girls saying that I was stupid and looked retarded. I tried to ignore it until it got worse. When Patrick started talking to a new boy in our class who was also named Brian. They started talking and I told him, as a joke, that Patrick was “stupid”, but only as a joke. Brian immediately spilled the joke at Patrick and Patrick made threatening notes to me. He also told me that I was gay and to shut up. Then it got into a quick argument. He then started saying he was smarter than me, because he was Asian, and I told him that Asians get advice and help from in class (which is true in a lot of test cases) and that I have better grades than him (he has a 69% in the class). Then randomly, the girl (can’t remember her name) sitting next to me got into it and said to shut up and that I was annoying and not Patrick. Crazy thing was that she was always copying off my work and I always was nice to her. Now she turns on me? UGH! SO MANY UGH’S.
I kept a straight face throughout the class. As the class continued to interrupt the teacher and make funny jokes, I looked all serious and I was completely depressed in that moment. No signs on twitching even at the funniest joke. Brian noticed me and tried to cheer me up. Eventually when the teacher said that the class always interrupts him, Brian pointed at me and said that I was always listening. Conner, same one from all that I have mentioned of him, butted in and said I talk all the time. EXCUSE ME? You have to be joking! Just thinking about it makes me want to go into a rant and rage until I tear my hair apart. The only good thing in Science was that I got to hug Mackenzie in class when we left. Otherwise it was completely chaos and emotional war in my mind. I looked completely normal, but I was completely bugged out.
When we went back into homeroom and finally got dismissed, Vanessa noticed how I was sad and depressed and invited me to go out with her sometime to eat some ice-cream. It sounded good. Hopefully my mother obliged. I went to P.E. afterwards. It was actually better than most P.E.s. Sahil was actually nice to me and the girls in P.E. were nice as well to me. Laughing at my jokes and making conversation with me instead of looking weird at me and thinking I’m crazy. We did some nice exercises and we were told of a special scanning of the scoliosis (a spine injury or condition) that we were soon going to do. We had to watch a video from there about it and then we were given permission slips about it. Then I left to Drama. I talked to Cole on the way. Probably one of the only few popular guys who did not hate me or think I was weird. I talked to him about how I hated the school and did a rant about it. I also told him about the Conner situation and asked if he could ask him why Conner was so mean to me. He obliged to do so. Drama, otherwise was quite interesting, despite Brody on my side shooting wasps at me (a certain rubber-band and spitball mechanism that really stings you like a wasp). Otherwise it was great. We did Shakespeare part actor rolls today. I got to have one part. It had only one line in the whole speech. It was still an honor to have to speak, at least to me. Afterwards, I left the school and went to the school bus. The school bus was kind of saddening as well. Adrian, though, was particularly nice. Jayduh and Bailey surprisingly sat next to Adrian and started calling us dorks and interrupted every conversation we had.
I sat next to Brian and he defended me a lot when Erick started to get crazy and make fun of me. Though most of the time I did not understand him because he was an Asian speaking really fast in a black accent and voice mixed with his Asian voice, so yeah. No racist. We then started getting into a “yo mamma” competition and threw some at each other. A lot of the ones I knew everyone seemed to know, so I said them anyway and it was all in jokes. Unfortunately, a lot of people took me too serious and said that was lame or not funny. It was not supposed to. Gosh I feel like most of my school are completely idiots. At least a lot of the ones I know. Every other “yo mamma” joke everyone else made made people laugh or nobody said anything and then eventually got it. I said a “yo mamma” joke referring to Patrick Star and then one of the girls said that I was Patrick Star or that I looked like him? Pardon my French, but what the ****? How do I look like him in anyway? It was sincerely stupid and even thinking about it now sickens my brain. Eventually the bus started calming down a little more when it was just the group of us from our neighborhood and we were really funny then.
Finally, I got home and told my Mom of the positive things of the day. She gave me warmed up rice and eggs for dinner and then I ate milk with Melville cheerios. One of my best cereals, despite how plain it is. My Mom watched Doctor Who during the day until I started playing on her iPad for a little bit and then gave it back to her. I contemplated in my room for awhile and then asked my Dad to check how my grades were. I barely increased on Science. A 78%. Math was 95%. Language Arts 88%. Georgia Studies 86%. Nothing really changed. Not even Language Arts! My Language Arts teacher told me she was going to update our grades with the Writing Test details when she had not. Plus my grades were barely increasing. Science had increased by 2%. I was still in the 70s. Ugh. Another ugh and the last of them. I ranted to my Dad about how I barely felt my grades go and how they dropped low whenever I got an 80% on a test grade. It was depressing. My Dad, of course, thought I was crazy and said I was thinking stupidly. So yeah. Nothing there to talk about. The day has led up to now. I must go do Bible Time. I pray it goes well and I pray tomorrow goes well as well. Hopefully. I would hate to have another day like this. It just weakens me…
Enjoy your time wherever you are! Hopefully you are having a better day than me, bye!